Dear Jack,
In your last letter you wrote about reading A Psalm for the Wild-Built. Your mention of it inspired me to re-read the book, which I’d only read about a year ago. At your mention, I sensed it was time to return to it, and I’m so glad I did. It really is a book of hope. The portrait it paints of humans in a post climate-crisis era gives me such a sense of possibility. And, of course, it reminded me of the power of a cup of tea and intentional conversation.
The last book that made me feel similar was The House in the Cerulean Sea, which if you haven’t yet read I highly recommend. In conversation with your musings of toxic masculinity, it has some great antidotes for crusty hearts and sour souls.
I love your thoughts on the spectrum of cowboy folks. If I had to choose one I aspire to, I’d be the wandering dreamer. The camping, horseback riding, stories around the fire, movement from one town to the next —— that’s what really grips me about the cowboy aesthetic. That and the denim button-up shirts.
You musings on gender resonated with me in a number of ways. In particular, I admire you seeking to define what masculinity means in your own life: the role it has played and the role you want it to play. In my upbringing, I was surrounded by a father and brothers who all hosted tender hearts and all but one shared my loose tear ducts. My mom (who subscribes to this newsletter, hi mom!) owned an emotional resilience and steady sense of rational that kept the rest of us wild emotives on track. To this day I am unsure how she did not pull all of her hairs out with our tempermental antics. I’m grateful for the ways that both my parents and brothers modeled how I could straddle the lines between masc and fem. They showed that I could live into the tender, emotional, steady, and strong —— regardless of what I was assigned at birth.
As I think about gender, I’m less interested in erasing the differentiations between the masculine in feminine, so I find the ways that others define the masculine and feminine to be particularly interesting. As our Jack and Shanley letter series comes to an end, I appreciate your prompt of writing a letter to my masculine self. What a brilliant way to explore a facet I’ve spent time growing distant from. I’m interested in what you said about having “a set of principles” to help describe your masculinity. Maybe in that letter I’ll seek to define some principles of my own.
Our exchange of letters on Substack has been such a joy and I’m so excited to see where your Substack and other writing takes you next. Know that the closure of this letter serves only as a button on Substack. I’m only ever a phone call, text, or snail-mail letter away!
While I think you initially started this series as a way to seek advice from me, I think this last letter goes to show how much I’ve learned from you. Jack, you are a thoughtful human and you have so much to offer your communities. I can’t wait to see all that you offer this world in the seasons to come.
One of my favorite aspects of these letters has been the exchange of book and movie recommendations, so I’ll leave you with this final list of five feel-good books and movies:
Movies:
Sing Sing: I just watched this last week, so it’s fresh on my mind. It’s probably already on your radar as one of the 2024 Oscar Nominees.
Will & Harper: A documentary starring Will Ferrell and one of his best friends as they travel across the country. So so tender.
Captain Fantastic: This movie has sparked some of the richest conversations between Marc and I about modern society, values, and family.
Pride: A story of unlikely friendships and overcoming division. It also features two of my favorite actors: Ben Nighy and Andrew Scott.
About Time: Another Bill Nighy movie. A slightly fantastical movie with heavy themes of living life to the fullest.
Books:
Blankets by Craig Thompson: This book was assigned in my first creative writing class in college. It’s a tender story of young love, summer camp life, and so much more.
Together by Luke Adam Hawker: A quiet picture book with profound wisdoms.
Anam Cara by John O’ Donohue: This book of Celtic wisdoms blends Catholic theology with Irish pagan wisdoms. It changed the way I think about friendship.
Deaf Republic by Ilya Kaminsky: One of my favorite collections of poetry. It pulses with resilience and hope.
They Both Die at the End by Adam Silvera: Who says YA novels need to get left behind in childhood? Like the movie About Time its a story of love and lives well lived with a speculative/fantastical twist.
With love,
Shanley
This letter between Jack C. Giacobbe and me is inspired by blakeoftoday and liam.oce.
If you want to see the letter I’m responding to and read future writings by Jack, give him a follow. He is a curious, talented, and brave writer and human.